Female Immigrant on the Saudi soil
I don't know if it is me or the women here do nothing and think of nothing more than reproduction.
I mean, women here are either having babies, waiting for babies, trying to make babies. Just by the time we give compliments for the arrival of a baby, we get the news some other woman is pregnant, and by the time that same lady is few months pregnant, we get the news some other woman is pregnant too!!
I started feeling odd that almost everyone is like that, it kind of sets pressure on me, it is this feeling of doubts whether I'm making the right choice or not.
I don't say it is wrong, but I just question the value of life, because it seems here like it revolves around eating and reproducing. Why everyone is pregnant or thinking to be? by everybody I don't mean to generalize, I just think I'm surrounded may be by this circle. Surprisingly, they are not locals of Saudi, but rather foreigners from Europe, North America as well as Arabs. This makes it sound like a universal unsaid agreement, and that what makes me confused.
I know that I should only do what makes me happy, and what I can do at this time, but the doubting questions are like: what if my mind is not set straight? what if I'm thinking wrong and later on will feel some regrets that I wasted certain opportunity or certain phase?
I'm sure many females have similar struggle, this societal pressure or circumstantial pressure. Mine currently happens to be this but other females could be struggling with the pressure of getting married in the first place, getting a job, or a post-grad degree, etc etc. Sometimes, we can't be that strong as we wish; to walk our own way with full confidence in our decisions, sometimes we get these hidden confusions and doubts questioning our own path. I believe it makes us humans at the end to be that vulnerable. It could be a blessing in disguise, may be a signal for us to see a different track than the one we chose earlier and amend the plan, or may be a reality check, something like seeing black color which makes us stop and reassure ourselves that we chose a white color, yes it is different, yes it looks very different, yes after a second look to the black contrast, we would still choose the white and stick to it regardless how many around us chose black. It could be just a reminder that everyone has their own agenda, dreams, priorities, and we should not just follow them, and that at another given time, they made and will make another choice that also aligns with their vision at this time.
Again, I admit it is pressuring living in a society where -at least - my own circle represents everything I don't believe in or choose for myself NOW: I don't want to spend majority of my time at restaurants or cafes eating, I don't want to "kill" the day roaming in cold malls shopping for things I don't need or just aimlessly wandering. I don't want my major talks to be on kids, around kids and with kids. I definitely don't want to have kids of my own may be never may be not now. So I guess I understand why I'm not comfortable, because here represents lots of pressure on my convictions, something like a clash of beliefs or choices.
to be continued
I mean, women here are either having babies, waiting for babies, trying to make babies. Just by the time we give compliments for the arrival of a baby, we get the news some other woman is pregnant, and by the time that same lady is few months pregnant, we get the news some other woman is pregnant too!!
I started feeling odd that almost everyone is like that, it kind of sets pressure on me, it is this feeling of doubts whether I'm making the right choice or not.
I don't say it is wrong, but I just question the value of life, because it seems here like it revolves around eating and reproducing. Why everyone is pregnant or thinking to be? by everybody I don't mean to generalize, I just think I'm surrounded may be by this circle. Surprisingly, they are not locals of Saudi, but rather foreigners from Europe, North America as well as Arabs. This makes it sound like a universal unsaid agreement, and that what makes me confused.
I know that I should only do what makes me happy, and what I can do at this time, but the doubting questions are like: what if my mind is not set straight? what if I'm thinking wrong and later on will feel some regrets that I wasted certain opportunity or certain phase?
I'm sure many females have similar struggle, this societal pressure or circumstantial pressure. Mine currently happens to be this but other females could be struggling with the pressure of getting married in the first place, getting a job, or a post-grad degree, etc etc. Sometimes, we can't be that strong as we wish; to walk our own way with full confidence in our decisions, sometimes we get these hidden confusions and doubts questioning our own path. I believe it makes us humans at the end to be that vulnerable. It could be a blessing in disguise, may be a signal for us to see a different track than the one we chose earlier and amend the plan, or may be a reality check, something like seeing black color which makes us stop and reassure ourselves that we chose a white color, yes it is different, yes it looks very different, yes after a second look to the black contrast, we would still choose the white and stick to it regardless how many around us chose black. It could be just a reminder that everyone has their own agenda, dreams, priorities, and we should not just follow them, and that at another given time, they made and will make another choice that also aligns with their vision at this time.
Again, I admit it is pressuring living in a society where -at least - my own circle represents everything I don't believe in or choose for myself NOW: I don't want to spend majority of my time at restaurants or cafes eating, I don't want to "kill" the day roaming in cold malls shopping for things I don't need or just aimlessly wandering. I don't want my major talks to be on kids, around kids and with kids. I definitely don't want to have kids of my own may be never may be not now. So I guess I understand why I'm not comfortable, because here represents lots of pressure on my convictions, something like a clash of beliefs or choices.
to be continued
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